


how would you feel (if i told you i loved you?)

by flustraaa



Series: the one where they're in college [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: College AU, Gen, Good Friend Alec Lightwood, M/M, Nostalgia, Oblivious Magnus Bane, Scared Magnus Bane, Thunderstorms, best friends Alec and Magnus, best friends to lovers au, first meet stories, kind Alec Lightwood, philosophy classes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 01:28:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flustraaa/pseuds/flustraaa
Summary: oh Alec, don’t you know he loves you too?





	how would you feel (if i told you i loved you?)

Magnus has always been scared of thunderstorms. He’s not exactly sure where it originated, but he knows for goddamn sure that there’s something about the entire sky rumbling before light engulfs the darkness for a short span of time that sets Magnus on edge. 

Now, he’s shuffling down the hall, arms wrapped around himself in their friend group’s shared townhouse just off of campus. He stumbles past four rooms, climbing the stairs to his best friends room, pushing open the door. 

Though in theory, he should be more nervous as he’s now closer to the the thing he fears— there’s something about his best friend that settles him down effective immediately. 

“ _Alec_?” He calls, not expecting an intelligible response from his sleeping best friend. But as always, Alexander _never_ ceases to amaze him. 

“I heard the thunder,” Alec mumbles, lifting the vacant half of the duvet, “ _C’mere_.” 

Magnus wastes no time, slipping under the covers and resting his head on the extra pillow on Alec’s bed. 

This concept came about the first time they were roommates sophomore year. Their dorm had been shaken by a rather violent bout of thunder, and the lights had gone out. 

Alec, who’d driven home only to comeback after a fight with his mother, slept through it, waking up when Magnus called his name. It was a shot in the dark, but Alec, ever willing to help in any way he could, moved over on his bed and Magnus slipped under the sheets. 

Ever since then, that had been Magnus’ remedy for any and all trepidation that came with storms.

Once Magnus has settled under the sheets, Alec murmurs gruffly, “Is it a bad one?” 

Magnus pauses for a moment, trying to decide if Alec will think he’s an idiot for being scared of the thunder— though just as he realises who he’s with, the latter wraps an arm around his waist. 

“You _hesitated_ ,” Alec states, in lieu of an answer, “I would just like to put it out there, that you’re not being silly. A fear is a _fear_. You watched me have a panic attack because there was a _spider_ in the shower Magnus. _Breathe_.” 

Magnus nods, letting out the sigh he didn’t know he was holding before sinking into Alec’s sheets with a deep breath. 

Magnus is almost certain Alec has drifted off, when he raises his eyebrows, peeking open his cerulean eyes to look at the former, “Do you need me to talk you down?” 

Magnus nods, embarrassed that he, a twenty one year old needs to be talked down by his younger best friend from a thunderstorm. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you this,” Alec mutters thoughtfully, moving to rest his free hand under his head, after he’s flipped on his lamp, “But you were the first person to talk to me that I didn’t already know here.” 

“I was?” Magnus asks, blinking bewilderedly. 

“You sound surprised,” Alec blurts, though it comes out as more of a question. 

“Well, yeah,” Magnus mutters as a matter of fact, “Do you remember when _little shits one and two_ kept pulling the fire alarm?” 

Alec cringes, nodding, “The one time I slept in only boxers, I swear to _God_.” 

“Yeah,” Magnus agrees softly, “You has all these tatts and the whole dark and broody thing going on, and everyone was talking about the hot kid with the eight pack when I was walking back to my dorm.” 

Alec blinks, struggling for words before adding, “I-I didn’t know people saw me. I thought I was invisible.” 

Magnus heart aches for the expression of confusion of his best friends face, responding only by shaking his head faintly, “No— darling, everyone noticed you. But I just figured there was more to you— you sat in front of me for most of the year in philosophy— you always hid your test scores as soon as you got them and you couldn’t stand people looking at you.” 

Alec can’t seem to meet Magnus’ eyes, so he continues, “And then one day, I was sitting behind you while we were going over the idea that the world is a totality of facts, not actual things—“ 

_Magnus can see the day so vividly in his head, the way Alec was very clearly hardly paying attention to the lecture, and for the briefest moment, Magnus thought perhaps he hid his test scores because they were horrendous._

_But then, Professor Crane called Alec’s name above all other students. He remembers the way the enigma‘s head snapped up from his doodles, and he looked at the professor._

_“What is the idea behind the concept of facts and not actual things?”_

_To which Alec has shrugged softly, only to be egged on by their professor, “Come on, Mr. Lightwood. Since you seem so keen on drawing rather than listening, what’s the meaning?”_

_Magnus watches Alec lick his lips nervously, fiddling with his pen before responding, “Essentially, it’s the belief that nothing is really_ real _. That we created things because humans don’t like being in the dark— it’s of our nature.”_

_He remembers the way mouths dropped at Alec’s proclamation._

_“Care to give and example?” Professor crane asked, and Alec twisted the pen in his hands thrice more._

_“Yeah, um. It’s like saying that a dog isn’t really a dog, we just gave it a name to identify it and explain what it does. That cells don’t exist, or they could exist as something else or not at all in another species mind,” Alec stated firmly, the tips of his ears and neck turning crimson from the attention._

And now he’s lying in bed with the same person, who is staring at him like he’s never seen him before. 

“You _remember_ that?” Alec mumbles incredulously. 

“I could never _forget_ — it was that lecture that made me decide to speak to you for the first time,” Magnus says softly, “It emphasised that there was something other than tattoos and a looming sense of less than approachable to you.” 

“Oh,” Alec blurts, “Cool.” 

They stare at each other for a long while, and Magnus can already feel himself slipping off. 

“Well, besides,” Alec mumbles, “You came up to me, and you asked me for coffee— and I stared at you for what felt like _forever_... I dunno, I never felt like anyone ever would want to... be with me? Even as friends for coffee.” 

Throughout the night, they exchange stories— and as they near the early morning hours, Alec looks back at the clock to find they’ve been lying there for almost four hours together, just talking and exchange stories.

Alec chuckles quietly when he glances back down to see his best friend has melted down into the sheets, light snores passing through his lips. 

He finds himself staring for a moment longer, the thought hitting him like a train that he wanted to hold Magnus like this for the rest of his life. 

_He loves Magnus_ , he thinks with a gasp.

It takes several moments for him to calm down, and once he does he flips off the light, returning his eyes to his best friend before allowing a shaky breath to leave his lips. 

And it’s with this thought, that he passes a gentle hand through the hair that covers Magnus’ eyes. 

_He loves Magnus_ , he thinks once more.

But this time, he’s less _afraid_. There’s a certain assurance in _facts_ , and it’s this one that Alec grants permission to himself to cling to; until he’s brave enough to speak it as a _truth_.


End file.
